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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I got a ton of emails about...sex and writing. LOL!

 
(Warning - 18 and older content!)
 
 
So recently I posted a picture on my facebook page because I went shopping and some of the looks I was given while in line, even by the checker, were funny to me. I thought I’d share the pic of my purchase to give others a laugh. I had NO idea what kind of response I’d get from it via emails. This is the picture I posted...

 

What is that? It’s Warming Jelly. It’s like KY Jelly except less greasy, it’s warm to the touch so you’re not dealing will cold stuff that you have to warm in your hands, and yes...I buy it - for real. LOL! I bought 4 of them because I got it at a good price and it’s not easy to find because I think it has to be a popular product. The last few times I’ve gone...they didn’t have any. I grabbed the last four. MINE! LOL! It is better to HAVE...than to not...great motto I live by.


So...I got a ton of emails asking me about sex and writing. Do you really do research? I do. There was a time I’d blush profusely and never admit it but I’ve been published for three years (this September marks that event). At first when you write erotic romance, you blush a bit. I mean, some people are pretty brazen about confronting you on it. They give you calculating looks wondering...whatever they do. I’ve had some bad responses from a few men - as if I’m some sex-crazy slut and would welcome their graphic and crude comments/come ons. Sorry (not really) to disappoint those types of men but it’s not true. I’ve even had women think along those lines - Gee, she must be some mega slut....to write those books. LOL.

 
I’ve been with Mr. Laurann for over twenty years and I’ve never cheated on him. I’m totally into monogamy. I don’t flirt online. Yes, I get to look at mostly naked men when I’m hunting for stock photos to use (book trailers or that certain character I use to motivate me to write about) but the husband is okay with that. Looking is fine. Touching is not. LOL! Another good motto to live by. After a while of writing books with graphic sex scenes...you toughen up. I did anyway. I can take those ‘looks’ I get and find it amusing. I still blush sometimes but not nearly as much. I’m more blunt about sex, more comfortable, and generally...I’ll answer about any question. People are curious, so am I, and I’m pretty upfront.


So with that said...yes. I do research. Personal, hands on research with my research partner - otherwise known as Mr. Laurann. He retired from his day job to be at home with me full time so I could write full time. He is my house hunk who wrangles kids, cats, the house, runs errands...and is on hand when I need assistance. (wink) I’ll use examples. Propositioning Mr. Raine has sex toys. We bought and played with them so I could work out some of those sex scenes because I’ll be blunt here. I’ve read sex scenes in books and winced. I mean, really, really winced. It was obvious the author had never tried some of those maneuvers because it was so unsexy...OMG. My thighs clamped together and the pain I imagined if it were a reality...OMG. Yeah. Traumatized! LOL! I’ll even use an example. Big guy...all over. Anal sex. Woman has never tried it and the guy rams into her. First off, NOT sexy. At least not in reality. If that were to happen in real life...she’d scream alright. That blood-curdling, you just hurt me really bad scream of agony, and blood would be involved. (Yeah...I’m sure about that. Let’s um, leave it at that - LOL). I obviously have never had sex with a werewolf, an alien from outer space (okay...so I have dated a few guys who I thought...what planet are YOU from???), and some men act part animal at times so um...yes, I’ll count that. Some imagination is required. I mostly try to take personal experiences and add them into books to make believable sex scenes. Past experiences or current research get taken into account I write.


That being said, research is important. I want readers to find the sex scenes arousing. I write what I find sexy. I would hate to write scenes that make others wince and slam their knees closed. Recently I was writing a scene where the woman was exploring the guy. I went and grabbed Mr. Laurann. LOL. He never minds. He’s really great about that and I feel lucky (he does too) to be with someone who is open to trying stuff. Not everyone has that. I will admit I once dated the biggest prude...ever. We didn’t last long and I couldn’t stay with a guy who lectured me because I wanted a good sex life. I also lived with a guy once and our sex life grew stale. I talked to him about it (did all those helpful hints I’d read about) and he got pretty...defensive. It didn’t matter how nice I was, how much I used flattering words, he was outright hostile. We didn’t last either. It happens to everyone. You’re with someone for a while, you get older, your body changes, and things you used to like...you need more or something different. Great relationships change with the times, you have open talks about what you need/want, and your partner is open to trying new stuff. I’m not talking about swinging or...having affairs. I’m talking about ‘hey, tie me up or let’s buy sex toys’. I think men would be amazed at how receptive we are to sex (being blunt) if they actually make sure we enjoy it as much as they do.


I’m lucky because I found someone I can talk to, be totally honest with about anything, and he’s willing to meet me half way. I joke about kissing some frogs before I met my Prince. I can think up a scene and he’ll help me figure out the best way to write it after we try it - hands on...or other body parts. LOL. On the reading standpoint...books are great because you can hand over your ereader or book marked at a sex scene that flipped your ‘on’ switch and say to your partner...let’s try that! Hopefully, they will go for it. Do a little research of your own. I highly recommend it.


Any questions? LOL. Leave comments if you do.


As for writing...I’m doing lots of that. Shadow has been turned in. It’s featuring Beauty. You met her in Justice’s book - Jessie rescued her. I don’t have a release date because it needs to go through edits and line edits...and it will be a bit before I have a date. I am hoping it will get released by the end of this year. I’ll post when I do. I’m writing more Cyborgs, Raines, Mating Heat, Zorn, and tons of New Species. I think pretty much...if you have a favorite character from a series...it’s on my list.
 
Thank you sooooo much for all the great comments/emails/FB posts...ect about Obsidian. I took his book in a new direction. I knew it might upset some readers (I am sorry for that) but series tend to get stale. We all need to shake it up a bit sometimes and I did (not sorry for that). You'll see them in future books to know how they are doing and if Allie gets her job back at Homeland. (you know she will...LOL...no use in my even denying it)

 

Next month I’ll be in Ohio at Romanticon! Mr. Laurann and I are going. I’m bringing tons of promo items with me and there will be a book signing - free to the public - on Sunday. I hope to see you there.

59 comments:

  1. Loved,loved, love this, Laurann. LMAO!!!!I totally agree.

    Gayle

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  2. So loved this post Laurann, you are a breath of fresh air and I'm so pleased that, like me, you've been blessed with a partner who understands, completes and inspires 'wink' you

    Beverley

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  3. Great post! LOL, Hubby was totally thrilled when I decided to write explicit sex scenes. He hit Cloud Nine when he realized there was research involved. He asks daily if I need to research anything, LOL.

    Kenra

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  4. Laurann this is great. A lot of times it is weird when you read a sex scene and wonder how the heck the author thought that would work. Personally, I've enjoyed all the ones from all your books. And I'm still waiting on cousin Brand lol. Love you!

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  5. I love the fact that you are open about it. Some authors shy away when asked if they do hands on. I wonder if you are so shy how do you write it when you can't talk about it. Research and hands on is the way to go.

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  6. What am awesome blog. I love your honesty. I actually loved the picture you posted. I smiled because I know "you got it going on!" :)

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  7. So nice to know other couples can be still in love after so many years, 26 for my husband and I. We talk and are open to keeping each other happy. Of course all the research I do in your books has really helped, so a big thank you to you and Mr. Laurann! Lol
    Obsidian was great, and I can't wait for Shadow and Beauty's story.

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  8. Awesome blog entry! Loved Obsidian and am looking forward to the next installments of the New Species, Cyborgs and Zorn Warriors!

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  9. Loved this blog! You are so very lucky to have Mr. Laurann in your life!

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  10. I'll have to try that! I tried the KY brand and it burned so bad. Great blog post. I loved Obsidian, it was worth the wait and I was definitely not disappointed!

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  11. LOL. Thank you.

    Phialngies - the warming lube doesn't burn. It is the best stuff...ever! I hate the greasy stuff or the cold stuff because yeah...gasping in the bad way during foreplay = not good. LOL! Waiting for it to warm...not good either.

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    Replies
    1. Excellent blog. I hope you enjoy romanticon, you and Mr. Laurann earn it. Have lots of fun.

      Leslie

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  12. Laurann, I loved this blog! I'm still laughing! Research can be a wonderful thing; I'm glad you have such an awesome lab partner! Seriously, thanks so much for writing such great books, and I'm not just talking about the sex scenes. Every time you announce a release date for the next book is when I go into Happy Dance Mode!

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  13. Laurann, Obsidian was amazing. I loved that they had to be separated for a bit. I never saw that coming. I love your books and I am anxious for the next book, however, I would love for an NSO to meet an African American woman. I would like you to introduce a hot headed and strong willed African American woman who knows how to kick butt. Of course she will be a mate and he will be protective of her, but this woman knows how to handle herself and a weapon. Let's shake up Homeland or Reservation!!!

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    Replies
    1. Now THAT would be incredible. The thought of an AA woman and the uber NS male? Yeah. The visual of her not takin' any sass from anyone.

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  14. Laurann, absolutely awesome post. I always knew Mr. Laurann was one lucky guy.

    Catwoman

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  15. Doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home!

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  16. Hi Laurann,
    Really enjoy reading this blog you are very honest and a great author I have read most of you books and I am waiting for the next specie what will it be about mmm
    I wish you and your dear Mr.Laurann a great and sunny week with all your kids
    Cheers

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  17. Loved this blog. I wish more romance authors thought about and researched the scenes they write. I also love m/m romances and one of my biggest pet peeves lately from some of my favorite authors is the complete lack of lube used. Whether you are male or female, anal sex is just not sexy to experience or read about without some kind of lubricate involved, and spit doesn't count! Talk about painful! Maybe some of those authors could read your blog?

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  18. Absolutely loved your post! :)

    You should check on some Charlotte Stein's books. She writes short stories mostly but has few plus novels like "Reawakening" (M/F/M), "Sheltered" (M/F) or "Power Play"(M/F/M). I know that you hate menege thing but trust me I do to. I never though that I may actually like megege book but Stein proved me wrong. Give it a try and I promise you'll be surprised how good it is.

    Charlotte is absolutely genius erotic writer who brings erotic scenes and tension between h&H into new level. She's masterful with words.

    I've read "Ever Unknown" by hers few days ago. It was short story, only 47 pages but SOOOO hot and got me fell head over heels in love with hero. And after few days I still can not stop thinking about that story and this guy!

    And now time on my onfession.
    Laurann, I loved Obsidian. Really, I LOVED his and Alli's story. But I'm disappointed in direction NS going.

    How could Trisha drug Obsidian without his consent, leaving him helpless and scared? Or how could she try to murder Becca's child by giving her aborting pills? She's not a God to decide who deserve to live and who's supposed to die. She said she did this in order to protect Forest and rest of NS children but how killing someone else's child to protect your own could be justified?? I have to admit, I lost respect for her as human being, woman and mother! And after what she did to Obsidian I lost respect for her as a doctor as well. That's exactly how Mercile doctors and technicians would behave in the past!

    I also found deeply disturbing fact that you revealed that unstable males are putted down in order to protect the rest of NS society. I though that NS would protect their own less fortunate brothers and sisters to last drop of the blood NOT exterminate them when they to not fit in the pattern. That awful, barbarous and a lot like Mercile.

    I was also surprised that Obsidian was threaten lethal injection for few fights with males who provoked him in the first place while Vengeance who fought with males unprovoked and tried to rape few females was sentenced only on Wild Zone. Where the sense in that??

    Laurann, don't get me wrong. I love NS series. Most of the characters you create are to die for. I'm just worried.

    Sorry for long comment.

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    Replies
    1. I agree. These are some of the same questions I had. The series is getting darker with more angst and stress and less romance and emotion between the couples. The characters are acting more "Mercile" and less open-minded. Don't like that. Let's get back to the romance and relationship building...please?

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  19. I love that you're so honest. And I have to admit there have been tons of times I've almost screamed with frustration at unrealistic sex scenes in books. Heck I even get confused sometimes. LOL.
    Every once in a while I'll pick up a polyamorous book and things get so confusing with 3+ partners I spend more time trying to figure out HOW they're doing what they're doing rather than enjoying reading about it. ;)

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  20. This was a great post. I figured most sex scenes you wrote worked 'cause I really knew some that did :). What can I say I had to try some of those. I know that I officially won't be able to attend the thingy next month. I was aggravated over it for a while but it is what it is and it would have cost me over 1500$ so I'll just have to wait until next year and get my reg in before the price goes up.

    I did enjoy obsidians book but not as much as the others. Ali did bother me. She seemed a bit wishy washy and I had always considered her stronger than that. But as this is not real life it doesn't real matter :). All the other actions seemed on par to what I would expect would happen given the story line. Don't have to like the actions or punishments but as any parent knows if you lay down the law you got to stick with it or the peeps will run wild. :) doesn't mean you can adjust just mean you have to follow thru. Can't wait for all your other series and books

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  21. LOVED your post! Thank you for being so honest with us. Thank you Mr. Laurann! Good hubby! It sounds like you have an awesome life with your hubby. We are so lucky to be blessed with your experiences. I know my hubby appreciates it when I share my favorite scenes! I think Tiger about killed us both! Wink wink.

    Obsidian was great. Liked the new twist.

    It was cool to see a new blog posting again so soon! Keep em coming.

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  22. AWESOME post! And I loved Obsisidian (see my review here ~ http://mimmismusings.blogspot.com/2012/09/obsidian-by-laurann-dohner-review_4842.html) don't apologize! You are totally right, changing it up is what keeps us coming back for more! And I'm so excited for a female New Species to get her HEA...I'm dying to see if they can get pregnant, how dominant they're going to be in a relationship...and now I want Destiny's story, when at first I thought I wasn't going to be a fan of the primates as heroes ...I think it's because Smiley seems so submissive in comparrison to the other New Species, lol...but you've got my intrigued w/ Destiny. I need MOAR!!

    And I'd have to say that with the New Species growing by leaps and bounds, they can't ALL be good...there have to be the assholes, outcasts, and just truly not...HUMAN members. So I'm OK with where you're going. It about killed me when that asshole Dr. started spouting that, but I get that there are extreme circumstances. It's not all happy, joy joy.

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  23. Having been with my husband for almost 18 years, I can attest to the merits of manogamy! I've never cheated either. We are more in love and passionate than ever! Thank you for the inspiration! I think one of the strongest appeals of your work is the intense bonding of male to female. Mates for life!! Thanks for the inspiration!

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  24. Dear Laurann,

    thanks for your post, and I'm sorry you have to put up with some narrow minded people, I guess it comes with the job! Just remember there is a huge majority out there that loves you! Like me! :)
    Maria

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  25. Thank you, everyone. I was writing so sorry for the delay in responses.

    I think great sex is important. It keeps your relationship a happy one, your bond close with the person you're with, and um...it's FUN! LOL.


    On a serious note ----

    As for the things about Obsidian that weren't enjoyed....Obsidian wasn't exactly like most Species. He came in pretty damaged. Violent. He'd had his mate murdered. They believed he was feral and might have suffered brain damage. We've dealt with this before - the choice/decision of what to do with Species who have reached the point of 'no return'...I guess I could say. (Justice - the ones who tried to kill him and Jessie). They know they aren't fully human but with any society...there are some dangerous people who put others at risk of harm or death. Obsidian was in danger of being put down because he wouldn't connect with Species, they feared he'd kill other males, and his case was different because of that. They were locked up their entire lives. They all know how horribe that is. Species prison for dangerous Species? Seems worse than death...to them.

    I know the part where he was drugged was going to be tough to understand. From a Species point...better to drug him to give him time to calm than to have him explode in rage...and they would have had to stop him.

    Sometimes I get a little 'realistic' with these books and it grows dark. They aren't always light reading. The issues they deal with - hate, racists, people who wish they didn't exist, the ones from their past - I get tagged on. I have this to say...read Yahoo comments sometime. It's out there. Openly. It's sad that there are so many people in modern times who can't accept others because they are different. They say mean, vicious crap. Judge others. Think they are better. You get the point. It makes me sad, angry, and I don't ignore it because it does still exist. I address it in books. Maybe I hope that someone learns, that they become more accepting of others who aren’t the same as them, and get to see it from the other side - the ones targeted.

    I don't write perfect characters. The great thing about people to me is that we have flaws. We're always learning, trying to grow, and sometimes have to make decisions that others don't agree with or even understand. Trisha is a good example that was brought up about the pills. In a perfect world...BAD TRISHA! In their world where a NS baby would be stolen, abused, used against them, sold, or cut apart - graphic but Mercile is horrible - to conduct tests on...giving a patient a pill to avoid a possible pregnancy seems almost kind and the logical thing to do to protect both mother and potential baby - if there even was one. Who knows for sure??? I know that in Species mind - the world finding out they can have babies puts those children born at risk. In that world...Mercile and others would come at those kids with everything they had to steal them, sell them, and they'd use Species still in captivity to breed. Trisha knows this and that's where her mind is. She’s looking out for the entire Species race.

    Okay...I hope that was helpful. I hope it gave some of you a little peace or explanation.

    Now back to the light stuff...Ellorascave posted a blog HERE - http://redlinesanddeadlines.blogspot.com/2012/09/cover-reveal-shadow-by-laurann-dohner.html of Shadow's cover.

    Have a great day, everyone.

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    1. WOW! The cover for Shadow is HOT!!! I think I need a cold shower.

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    2. LOVE the new cover! My new fav! I didn't remember him being blonde. Can't wait to read it!

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    3. I think you handle the mess that the world holds in a very convincing way with believable situations and reactions in your characters. Then you throw in some humor. It works. Thanks!

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  26. Laurann,
    Thank you for the update. I personally had no problem with "new direction" in Obsidian, but was glad you responded and clarified your reasons.
    Mostly thank you thank you for the Shadow Cover.
    Now I'm starting another countdown! Take care, Elaine

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  27. Awesome "Shadow" cover! Thanks for the link!

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  28. Yummy, that is is one gorgeous cover! Now the wait is on for Shadow!

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  29. Congratulations on making the NY times BEST SELLER list again....So happy for you and your family!

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  30. I read Obsidian in about 3 hrs. I could not put it down. I have read most of your series and are my favorite author. Love the Shadow cover and can't wait to read it.

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  31. I inhaled Obsidian when it came out. I enjoyed it, but truly Valiant is my favourite.

    I love that the series is moving on; the back story is what makes it so interesting. I am not from the USA and many of the stories remind me of what I have read and seen regarding the race problems in the USA, such as "Burning Alabama".

    And as a now single, mid fifties woman, I LURVE the sex scenes, sadly it is about as close as I am getting to the real thing right now.

    A long time SF reader, I can hardly wait for the next Cyborg episode either. I am so glad I discovered your books.

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  32. Please tell me jericho will be getting his own story soon he broke my heart in Obsidian's book and I cant wait for him to find his mate!

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  33. I am rereading the species series and looking forward to Shadow's book. Just want to know if there will be a book for Vengance. My heart went out to him in Tigers book.

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  34. Love the New Species Series. I've never been a SF fan, but this series just blew me away! Love the concept, love the characters. Not a book in the bunch I didn't like. Couldn't stop reading until I finished them all. My husband is ready to divorce me, my house is dusty, and I'm not sure if I have any clean underwear left. Love the dead pan comedy. Starting on Raines now. Not sure I can do the werewolves or cyborgs, but you are such an accomplished talent, I may branch out! Good luck and keep em coming, literally!!!

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  35. Laurann keep writing this amazing series!! Not everyone is perfect so why should all your characters be perfect. You have never disappointed this reader and I am so in love with all your series, you are truly one amazing writter. So looking forward to Shadow's story. I know when I start one of your books I might has well have nothing planned to do because I cant tear myself away from it till I finish it. Keep writing those FANTASTIC stories! Your greatest fan, Tammy

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  36. Dear Laurran, I really hope some day you give poor Flame his woman. He has waited long eough :)
    Karen

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  37. Laurran, I love all your books but it seems that I been waiting for ever for the Zorn Warriors series to have one more book. Are you going to write any more books about Berrr's sons?

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  38. Dear Laurann, I have so much enjoyed every book you have written! The New Species books are so well thought out and deal with issues people often have in real life- fear of commitment, predjudice, racism, greed, etc... The Zorn books are fantastic! What woman wouldn't want a man to be that devoted to her? The Cyborg series are so sexy- I want one for myself! Can't wait for each book to come out and preorder everything you write. I admire that you have such a great relationship with Mr Laurann. You are sooo fortunate! I thought I did too, but after 23 years he cheated on me and bailed for someone 15 years younger. Sometimes reading your books makes me wish for a chance to try to find someone else, but it's hard when you're over 50. Keep up the great writing and I will always keep reading them. You are my favorite author and I read over 1000 books a year!

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